Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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