The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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