i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
