I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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