it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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