Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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