I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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