I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you are never too drunk for berry picking
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
