i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
