he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
