worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
