You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
