I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
