If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
