Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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