I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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