Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
