her vagine was all disorganized.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
