forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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