i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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