The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
