i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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