Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
