Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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