Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my shit smells like andre
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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