I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
