Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
