And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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