they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
