don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
