if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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