Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
only if we run a train.
done.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
