I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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