We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
