I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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