She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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