I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
