Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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