kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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