Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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