Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
