Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
