i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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