Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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