new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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