I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
