Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
