Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
