yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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