Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want her autograph on my taint
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
