I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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