When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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