Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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