While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
