The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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