ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize