I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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