That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
