You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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