shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Text me some of your sweat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
