Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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