I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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