Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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