I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
