I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
