so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
