True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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