I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
