just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
