then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
