I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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