You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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