I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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