She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
