Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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