see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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