nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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