I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
