i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
