# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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