Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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