The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she smelled like a LAN party
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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