Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My first STD was from a foam party
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
