I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
