cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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