I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
