He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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